The Cadillac of Manliness
Upcoming Shows!!!

Friday, Jan. 25 - Sh!t Show at Shambles (2050 West Division Street, Chicago, IL 60622) at 8 PM

Friday, Jan. 25 - Chris Redd’s Redd Alert at The Playground Theater (3209 North Halsted Street, Chicago, IL 60657) at 10 PM

Saturday, Jan. 26 - OPENING NIGHT of Second City presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking inside Donny’s Skybox Theater (1616 North Wells Street, Chicago, IL 60614) at 9 PM *sketch*

Saturday, Jan. 26 - Cutz on Cuts Loft Party at MultiKulti (1000 North Milwaukee Avenue, Chicago, IL 60642) at 11 PM

Monday, Jan. 28 - Hosting The Chaser at Comedy Sportz Theater (929 West Belmont Avenue, Chicago, IL 60657) at 10 PM

Wednesday, Jan. 30 - Hosting Comedians You Should Know at Timothy O’ Toole’s (622 North Fairbanks Court, Chicago, IL 60611) at 9 PM

Thursday, January 31 - Comedy Central Showcase at Lincoln Lodge (4008 North Lincoln Avenue, Chicago, IL 60618) at 9 PM

Thursday, January 31 - Your Comedy Show at Lilly’s ( 2515 North Lincoln Avenue, Chicago, IL 60614) at 10 PM

Friday, February 1 - Lincoln Lodge at 9 PM

Friday, February 1 - Talk Hard at Comedy Sportz Theater *Mar’son and the FYF Crew* at 12 AM

Saturday, February 2 - Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, February 4 - 100 Proof Comedy at Comedy Sportz Theater at 8 PM

Tuesday, February 5 - Hug City at Racine Plumbing (2642 N. Lincoln Ave.) at 9 PM

Friday, February 8 - Lincoln Lodge at 9 PM

Saturday, February 9 - Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Saturday, February 9 - Don’t Spit The Water! at The Playground Theater at 10 PM

Sunday, February 10 - REACH at Up Comedy Club at 9:30 PM *Mar’son & The FYF Crew* (230 W. North Ave. 3rd Floor Chicago, IL)

Monday, February 11 - 100 Proof Comedy DVD TAPING! at Comedy Sportz Theater at 8 PM

Friday, February 15 - The Lincoln Lodge Presents RORY SCOVEL - 8 PM & 10 PM 

Saturday, February 16Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, February 18 - Charity Event at Comedy Sportz Theater (being auctioned) at 8 PM

Monday, February 18 - Hosting The Chaser at Comedy Sportz Theater at 10 PM

Tuesday, February 19 - Featuring for Drew Michael in Kenosha at 7 PM

Saturday, February 23Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, February 25 - 100 Proof Comedy at Comedy Sportz Theater at 8 PM

Saturday, March 2Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Saturday, March 9Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Saturday, March 16Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, March 18 - Hosting The Chaser at Comedy Sportz Theater at 10 PM

Sunday, March 24 - Bevy at 10 PM

Tuesday, March 26 - Chicago Underground Comedy at The Beat Kitchen (2100 West Belmont Avenue, Chicago, IL 60618) at 9 PM 

Sunday, March 30 Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

More shows TBA.

The Ho Must Go On

“A sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing.” – Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe was a whore. People who idolize Marilyn Monroe tend to be whores.
 
There’s nothing wrong with being a whore (or ho for short). It doesn’t make you any less of a person; it just makes you a person who also happens to be a whore.
I know a great deal of whores. I’ve hooked up with hos. I have a lot of ho friends. Some of them are in denial which is fine. Nobody wants to be a ho despite ho activities they may frequently participate in. If you have to defend your time spent with a sexual partner against at least 3 people then you may qualify as a whore. But I say instead of fighting the whore name, why not embrace it? You don’t have to let it define you but after a while it must get tiring trying to explain that you’re not a whore after a story of the poolside gangbang you were involved in with those two guys who dropped out of high school. 


“Whoredom” itself isn’t bad. In modern times a whore is more of a person who sleeps around but is selective whereas a slut is a person who will go with whatever is there at any time.
It can be debated as to which is worse for the simple fact that a whore will friend zone everyone and a slut usually doesn’t have friends. Both get free drinks. Both will say or do something gross throughout the course of the night. And both don’t think they’re a whore/slut.
Another common misconception is that guys aren’t whores or sluts or that they’re “praised” when they do it. Have you ever heard anyone outside of a promiscuous male or his not-laid-as-much friend(s) talk about how awesome all of his sex is?
Generally speaking guys who get lucky with multiple girls are good at closing just have nothing going to keep them around.

So now you’re probably wondering as a whore or friend of a whore, what is acceptable whore etiquette in today’s society? Here is a list to help you be the best ho you can be:

1)1.      If you’re going to take naked pictures of yourself not only know but accept that they can and possibly will get out at some point:
A few years ago at my high school there was a town scandal known as nipple gate where this girl took pictures of her boobs for a guy she was dating and it got out to the rest of the school and fair conservative citizens of Trussville, AL. There was no issue with the fact that the girl took the pictures or that the guy asked her to do it; just a problem with the fact that the pictures got out to a bunch of people who should have never looked upon her bosom.
Here’s a quick reality check for that girl and…most other girls that take self-pics, be it from my hometown or somewhere else- THIS IS ALL YOU GOT. If I hadn’t heard about those pictures, she would have just been some girl with a lazy eye I saw at a Five Guys one afternoon. In the end, you won’t amount to that much. You’ll get married and stay at home all day drinking wine and popping out babies. You can be the drunken 20 something housewife or you can be the 20 something housewife with some killer tits. The choice is yours.

2)  2. Weddings aren’t cool when it’s because you got knocked up:
You know what’s awkward? Explaining how you met someone. You know what’s more awkward? Explaining that you got them pregnant cause you “couldn’t feel anything” with the condom on and opted to roll the dice. You know what’s MORE awkward? That now you have to be in this false sense of love with that person while working at your dad’s auto repair shop to pay for the apartment and baby that somehow in its one month of existence has more Facebook pictures than any of the involved parties.
Wrap it up.

3)  3.  Stop Getting Defensive:
You knew your intentions when you walked out of the door with that LBD on. If a guy asks to buy you a drink, you shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex with him but at the same time you shouldn’t get mad when he won’t leave you alone. You could have picked the flats from your closet but you stuck with the whore heels. You did it to yourself so calm down.

4) 4. You’re Both Just Good Enough:
You’re not a 10. You’re not the best singer or the funniest person in the world. You are two people who are horny and find attraction in each other. Accept that and move on. No matter who you are, you don’t shit gold. You poop out regular brown turds like everyone else and sometimes in a whorey moment you may dump one of those turds out onto Douchebag Dan’s chest. We’re all into different things. That was your choice to go over there after he watched Human Centipede.

In conclusion, I think the words of Marilyn Monroe will close this out:
“I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
In all of your courageous acts of whoredom Ms. Monroe, your worst is your best.