The Cadillac of Manliness
The Mixed Elbow

Since living in Chicago a lot of people have asked me if growing up in Alabama was difficult. I always say in certain aspects due to a close-minded nature regarding a lot of things. In high school I was kind of an outcast from most of the black kids because I “acted white” and I couldn’t date any of the white girls because I was “actually black.” It never was a matter of me not liking black girls too. I liked everybody. Just not everybody liked me and I was fine with that because I had great friends and masturbation like any teen boy would be sufficient with while growing a small chip on my shoulder as a result.

Once I got older I was able to date across the board. I dated girls of different ages, religions, and races because I found something attractive about them or was drunk enough to pretend. I found myself adhering to one unspoken rule as a black man that once you start dating attractive white women you can’t go back to the ones that perpetuate the stereotype that black dudes like fat white chicks. I solely blame fat white chicks for this one. There are more than enough white guys with sleeveless shirts who are willing to marry you over Jerome who has numbers for his nearest cross streets.
Either way I’ve always been a big supporter of interracial couples and enjoy the fact that in cities like Atlanta, Chicago and New York they don’t really think about race in relationships mostly because there are guys who regularly walk around with tattoos on their faces.

Recently back in Alabama it came under fire the question of interracial babies. What would you do with a biracial baby? Who would the child identify with? Wouldn’t the kid be ridiculed because s/he is a mix of black and white? Why hasn’t this caramel child melted in the sun yet? 
Some of my best and most successful friends are the products of interracial relationships (one has his own show on Adult Swim that you should watch). They live normal lives. If there is someone who has a problem with a biracial kid I would think that would speak volumes about that person, not the kid. Most of us are a mix of something anyways. My mom’s great grandfather is full Native American. I have Vietnamese cousins living in Detroit. They all managed to live happy, normal lives with people of different backgrounds. The first human bones were discovered in Africa so as much as you might hate to think about it, you probably got your wide nose from a dude the shade of midnight thousands of years ago.

If you can’t handle the thought of a mixed person take a second to think about the coolest human being in the universe- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Let’s face it, The Rock has it all- looks, charm, humor, strength, and success. And he’s the product of racial intermingling! Was The Rock picked on for being mixed growing up? I don’t know- but name one person who may have bullied The Rock that is doing something meaningful with their life…… Exxxxxxactly. Now name something you’ve seen The Rock in. That’s right, ANYTHING WORTH WATCHING. Also, look at this dude’s smile. That would make any Klanswoman (or KKKaren) swoon! 

In the end, Dwayne Johnson is the perfect example of why a healthy and happy life can be had if it isn’t dictated by negativity due to the differences in race in one’s familial life. We all enjoy ice cream but it always tastes better with a little extra something. You can eat vanilla ice cream and it taste good but put some chocolate syrup on it and you have a special treat, jabroni. 

Identifying Your Crazy Boyfriend

We all know the saying that all women are crazy and all men are stupid. This is for the most part true. But we also know that there are a lot of crazy dudes out there- they’re called “guys in relationships”. There are three things men are driven by- money, power, and sex. You can have power without money. That’s why there are so many gangs. You can have money without power. Think of how many 89 year old dudes saved up their pennies. But with money and/or power there is always sex and when a guy has the potential to have regular sex anything that may come between that drives him insane. So here are some different identities to that guy who is charging you right now for reading another man’s blog:

The Lets-Go-Out Crazy Boyfriend: He put on his best Ed Hardy shirt. He’s sprayed his finest cologne. He doesn’t dance. He stands. He drinks. He watches. And he dares ANYONE to come and talk to his girl. At this point you as the girlfriend are basically fight bait. You know you’re going to get hit on. You put on a dress with one of your nipples casually hanging out. You did that on purpose because you have to justify in your head that guys still find you attractive nevermind the fact that you have Skylar FuckSomebodyUp standing 15 feet away from you having a Vietnam flashback in his head.
Solution: When he says let’s go to that new club Roofies, maybe suggest staying in and watching “Pretty In Pink” instead.

The My-Last-Girlfriend-Cheated-On-Me Crazy Boyfriend: “Waaaahhhh, my last girlfriend cheated on me and now I think you’re going to do the same so I want to keep you on a leash waaaahhhh.” “Waaaahhhh, I’m not comfortable with you having that one male friend waaaahhhh.” Meet your boyfriend who has his own styled vagina. You get caught in his trap and you can’t go out without him suspecting you of doing something.
Solution: Videotape yourself being boned by another dude. Maybe this wuss of a boyfriend will grow a pair instead of keeping you locked in the basement then your relationship can flourish.

The Deadbeat Crazy Boyfriend: This is the guy that smokes weed all day while you’re at work, lives for free on his bro’s couch, and always wants to make out in dive bars. He wears cut off jeans to show off his calve tattoos and insists that you smell his farts. You picked this charmer because he could play that Arcade Fire song on acoustic guitar with his cover band The Meat Dicks.
Solution: Hose him down!

The Wandering Eye Crazy Boyfriend: Know that guy whose voice goes super high pitch when you catch him in the act of doing something? Yeah, this is that annoying prick. He answers questions with questions and always swears to God.
Solution: Put on a Batman mask and yell “swear to me!”

The Sex Crazy Boyfriend: Let’s admit sex is great. Sex in moderation is good too. Forced sex is just scary. This is the type of guy who tells you to give him road head and kicks you out of the car because you won’t “finish him off and he has to go home like this.” Yeah, you’re the bad guy in this situation. Warning, this model boyfriend may come with a dragon tattoo and is prone to giving you a bruised rectal cavity.
Solution: RUN!

Hopefully you’ve learned something from this and know your boyfriend a little bit better now. If not, it’s never too late to change your name and move out of the state.

Manly Tip #5

Anything you can’t settle in the octagon isn’t a real dispute.

Manly Man of the Month: Justin Leeper

Here at the Cadillac of Manliness we honor treasured humans in the art of being manly. Men who have surpassed Spike TV and Budweiser commercials to prove their dominance in the species. On this month of February 2011 that distinction goes to Sir JUSTIN LEEPER.

CoM: How do you feel about being named the first Cadillac of Manliness Manly Man of the Month?

JL:Thats quite an honor. You’ve set the bar pretty high and I don’t think I am per se. My wife likes to call me a feminist in some respects. But I am capable of kicking ass and I’ve done some manly bro shit in my day so I’ll the reap the benefits of the reward.

CoM:You have a past in professional wrestling as “Helmut Von Strauss” can you tell me a little bit about that character?

JL:In wrestling camp I was trained by Eddie Sharkey who also trained the Road Warriors, Bob Backlund, Jesse Ventura, and Rick Rude. It was going to a point where I was thinking about having my first match. People were trying to come up with gimmick names for me and I had a shaved head back then I thought of a play on words that nobody got and my head was bald like a helmet so I thought that’d be funny. It was a German character so that’s where Von Strauss came from. And kinda like what my buddy Ken Anderson or RVD does, I would like to yell my name during my match and it was fun and would make people smile and I’m all about making people smile.

CoM:So were you one of the bad guys?

JL:Yeah, with some of the venues we did regularly people started to like my character because I brought in realistic strikes and you would really believe I was trying to hurt the person. For the most part I was a heel and I would listen to GWAR in the back and build up my contempt for humanity.

CoM:When did you switch over to Justin “Violent” Lee?

JL:In another plan that people just didn’t get, it was kind of like “Violent” Lee like Violently. Me and my best bud Austin Aries had taken some time off because he hurt his knee and I was doing some other stuff. At the time my hair was dyed a bluish color and I wasn’t Helmut Von Strauss anymore so I wanted to go with a different gimmick and I was three years into the business. I felt more comfortable with the character but it wasn’t as popular as Helmut.

CoM:What got you into Film Fighting?

JL:I moved out to LA  7 years ago with my wife. I interviewed for Gamespy and she landed a gig with Activision and of course this is where lots of movies and TV shows are made. I’ve worked with a couple of different film fighting groups and started working with Bob Goodwin who trained with Christian Bale for his first Batman and he’s got 40 years of martial arts experience and knows swords and weapons. I’ve been studying under him for six years and I’ve his assistant for a while now. I was in the History Channel movie about Andrew Jackson and wore four different costumes to be different guys getting shot or stabbed off of embankments. I use my wrestling background and martial arts background because there’s not a lot of contact made in film fighting and it’s something I have fun with.

CoM:Do you have any sort of pump up music before you do the film fighting?

JL:I got my ipod in my car and it kind of depends on my mood at the time. I try to listen to chill music because we’re trying to teach people so I don’t want to be too intimidating. I’m really into GWAR with the whole space barbarian thing. I like System of a Down, Rage, a lot of hip hop stuff. I’ve had Lil Wayne’s “I’m Not a Human Being” in my CD player for a while.

CoM:You worked with THQ and their motion capture portion as well, can you tell me a little about that?

JL:Yeah, I worked with THQ for three years for three of the Smackdown! vs Raw video games- 2009, 2010, and Smackdown! vs Raw 2011 that just came out.

I was writing for Game Informer for about 4 years and after that I was freelance game reviewer and I would cover a lot of the wrestling games and I ended up building relationships with some of the people on the design side and they asked me to come on and write a little bit and for 2008 they asked if I wanted to come on and write some stuff. The following year they wanted an in-house guy to write the storylines and I applied for that and got it. Pretty much Road to Wrestlemania was my baby. 

CoM:What is one of your favorite storylines that you wrote for Road to Wrestlemania?

JL:I really liked in Smackdown! vs Raw 2011 where you have to be a created guy or one of three other choices and you try to beat The Undertaker’s streak. I got to bring in Paul Bearer and the story was inspired by one of my favorite games Eternal Darkness and I liked that we could play with the player’s mind. In some of our other storylines I got the lead singer of GWAR to do one of the voices and looking back he did awesome.

CoM:What other recognizable voices have been in the games?

JL:One of my favorites, I got Paul F. Tompkins to do the voice of trainer in 2011 as well.

CoM:You have a writing background as well, how did that develop?

JL: I’ve always been a writer since grade school and a gamer and it helped give me the edge with writing for Game Informer among other things in my career.

CoM: Currently you’re writing a book with the tentative title “Still Man Fights.” What’s some of the story on that?

JL: I like that I am able to feast or fail based on myself alone with this. It’s a typical hero adventure kind of guy. He has a very statuesque fighting style where he waits for the right time to react. He ends up finding a child while saving the day but he has an obligation he’s stuck with 24/7 and his outlook changes. He finds an inherited power and it shows his relation to all of these things. It has some fun, crazy characters. 

I finished it last fall but I’m on the last round of edits and rewrites before shopping it.

CoM:Thank you for being the first manly man of the month, I feel with your knowledge of gaming and fighting you have more than proved your worth.

JL: Glad I could pop the cherry.

Manly Tip # 199

The most aggressive creature known to the world are 72 year old men. Learn their ways and you too shall become a ruthless tyrant of the resting facility.