The Cadillac of Manliness

clintisiceman:

Farty Marty: by far the best stand up comedian currently in the business.

High accolades for my good friend Farty Marty.

S.S. Cuffing Season (The Relationship)

Autumn is approaching and it’s about to start getting colder so you want someone to cuddle up to. You’re dusting off the OK Cupid profile hoping to find someone to wear matching Scooby Doo costumes with you by Halloween or you’re hitting up the club just to be embraced by a guy named Gino who only communicates via blue tooth.
Sweaters are being put on and cuffing season is officially back in full swing. There are a few things to know though going in so you’ll have a lasting relationship and not be the guy/girl who only gets hit up at 3 AM every other Friday.

- DON’T put her on a pedestal 
Remember the story “Everybody Poops”? Same thing applies for relationships. That girl you exchanged numbers with may be awesome but she’s still human. She’s had some questionable c*cks in her mouth. She’s smoked cigarettes with toddlers present. She’s made a sex tape with the roadie for Staind. Whatever. Just know everybody has a past and not everyone lives a picket fences lifestyle. That’s OK. Respect that history because it led to where you are today. And you know you hit that hobo with your car while drunk driving, you’re not perfect either.

DON’T gas yourself up
You’re not that special. You’re unique because you’re the only you. Be that. You’re probably not the richest. You’re probably not the biggest. You’re probably not the first. But your significant other chose to be with you for a reason. Be that reason, don’t worry about the other stuff.

DON’T look for anything you don’t want to know
Curiosity killed the cat and can kill the relationship. If your s/o is acting weird and you’re curious why then ask. That doesn’t help all the time though because people have this ability to do this thing called “lying”. Just know if you plan to snoop through texts you should hope for the best but prepare for the worst. We all have our trust issues, that’s why Drake is a thing.

You’re taking on a project
People aren’t robots. You can’t program them into the way you want. Relationships are two individuals coming together to try their best whilst also having mediocre sex once a week. It’s OK not to like all of the same things. Have you met a dude who likes EVERYTHING his girlfriend likes? They have a freezer full of human toes. Your project isn’t going to be perfect. Be happy with what you got. Some things will change, some things won’t. We’re all stubborn and set in our ways to some extent. Embrace it, try your best to deal with it, attempt to fix it, or get out.

Remember everything, read into nothing
Not everything your s/o says has value or meaning. Some stories and characters in their life are just that. Parts of history that has molded him/her to who they are now. Remember it so you’ll know that’s why they do some of the stuff they do. People who have been cheated on will be a little more insecure. People who spent long amounts of time being single will need space sometimes. Keep it in the back of your brain but don’t add more to it than there should be.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT BODY COUNT
Sex is great, right? You like experiencing it. You did it before you met your hucklebuck unless you were a boring ass person. Well, they did too. They probably did a lot of weird butt stuff while getting tied up to horses. We all have different experiences in our 20’s. Are they clean and regularly go to the clinic? Then that’s what matters. Don’t let the body count hurt your relationship unless you’re getting a burning sensation below. Plus, now you have a sweet foot chokehold move to add to your repertoire. 

NEVER fully listen to their friends
They are HER friends first. They are there to make her look good to keep her happy or themselves happy. They will give you good advice because they know her well but they’re also there to protect her so think of talking to friends like Miranda Rights - anything you say can and will be used in the court of love (turns and winks at the camera). 

Recognize if you’re in love or in love with the idea of a person
You know those movies where the nerdy guy pines after his dream cheerleader and finally gets her and realizes she’s a bad person? That happens in real life too! We all have an image built up in our head of an ideal mate and sometimes you get that but fail to recognize that the person isn’t good for you. Don’t stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship simply because you think it’s what society has picked for you. That’s how you get a posthumous Lifetime movie made about you.

Well, hope you all enjoyed this read and your sitting-by-the-fireplace relationship is a little better now because of it. I expect wedding invites. I won’t come, but I like knowing I’m thought of.

Follow me on twitter - @martinMmorrow and check out these upcoming shows I’m performing in:
9/6, 9/13, & 9/20 (sketch) - Mutiny on the Short Bus @ 9 PM in Donny’s Skybox Theater at Second City
9/7 - Laugh Factory Chicago @ 8 PM
9/9 - Zanies Comedy Club @ 8:30 PM
9/12 - Shenannigans @ 7 PM
9/13 - Reggie’s @ 12 AM
9/19 - Improv Comedy Club in Schaumburg @ 8 PM
9/26-9/28 - Up Comedy Club opening for Carmen Lynch @ 8 & 10 PM
 

Summer Lovin’

It’s halfway through the summer. You’ve been texting that girl you bought the whiskey-vodka-redbull shot for at O’McGallohan’s for a while/you’ve been chatting up that guy with the business degree who always talks about finances and financing and accounts and accounting or how he wants to show you his loft. You’re wondering if this is it. Have you found the person you’re going to settle down with and live a stable, comfortable life full of staged engagement photos to show your friends back home in Small Town, USA. Well here are 3 simple rules to follow before you embark on that quest of asking the age old awkward question of “soooo, what are we?”

  1. There is NO cuffing in the summer time
     The summer is reserved for fun and exploration. This is a time to meet people and learn about yourself. If you’re already in a relationship then you’re fine, it’s special but if May/June/July rolls around and you’re trying to get exclusive then you’re doing both parties a disservice. If someone tried to break up with you in May then you should have seen that as a sign that they want to be free for the summer. Give them that space. If you can’t then you’re lost. Like the Frank Ocean song.
    Sidenote: Ladies - If you’re dating a guy who always wants to go out for drinks on the weekends and always wants you to go with him then he’s using you as a patsy to start fights. Otherwise you’re not that attractive. If he’s not doing bro time or telling you to do girl time or just spending time at home, you’re basically his way of getting out years of wanting to fight dudes who look at his girl for too long. He’s crazy and will probably try to kill you.
    Side-side note: Any guy that slicks back his hair is usually evil. You can’t spend that much time on yourself and ever feel concern or compassion about others.
    Now you’re probably wondering when is it  appropriate to go ahead and make yourselves the real deal - end of August or early September if you last that long. This is summer camp all over again, people. Some folks gotta go back to their respective schools so you have to be ready for when that moped rides away into the sunset away from your apartment. September comes around, go ahead and start picking out the matching Halloween costumes and throw away those condoms. You guys are about to enter baby making season.


  2. The Friend Factor
    You’re going to mix and mingle a bit. You’re going to meet coworkers, friends, your new enemies, all that jazz. Here’s what you need to know - if he/she is a server, nurse, or elementary school teacher you will inevitably meet someone that they’ve hooked up with before. It’s your job not to be a Jealous Jerry. They’re with you now so don’t worry about it. The past fling is going to be the one with a gulp in their throat so you will easily be able to identify who it is. It’s now your job to be cool as a polar bear balls. Never ask about it, just be aware and be thankful they did whatever they did to screw up for you to be where you are. Now there’s going to be another character you’ll probably run into and that’s the "he’s like a brother." Here’s how “he’s like a brother” works. If a girl says, “he’s like a brother” that means they’ve known each other for a long time and bumped uglies once and it was a mistake or they laughed it off. If a guy says, “I’m like her brother” it means he’s woefully longed for her for a long time. He learned acoustic guitar so he could write a song in her honor and now that there’s a new man in her life he’s going to be insane. He’s going to try and intimidate you and do general psycho things that everyone but you has gotten used to. Let him get it out of his system and know he’ll probably die alone in a motel closet with a VHS tape and way too much heroin in his system.


  3.  Wedding Bliss
    You’re going to get invited to some weddings. Before you RSVP think of how well you know the parties, who all you know, and how fun it might be. Rich people weddings are fun (because..come on…YES! Right?! YES!). Poor people weddings are fun for the worse reasons (typically you get to see a groom in jeans and someone’s cousin is the photographer with one of those disposable wind-up cameras). Middle of the road weddings depend on who it is and what your role is. Consider this before inviting someone to be your plus one. You don’t want them thinking you’re lame based on the wedding company you keep.
    Some people probably aren’t preparing to see any rice and doves. Maybe you’re a mistress. That’s cool, I’ve got advice for you too. If you’re with a guy who is married and he says he’s going to leave his wife for you and you believe him jump in front of the nearest semi-truck. I’m going to tell you you’ll survive but only because if you believe that he’s actually going to leave his wife for you you’ll also believe that you are Colossus and can survive the wrath of an 18-wheeler. You’ve entered your own Lifetime movie.
    "But he said he loves me." Yeah, cause you do gross butt stuff his wife doesn’t do.
    "But…I love him!" Yeah, because it’s an ego boost. The idea of I took this or this is mine now is fulfilling to some and you won’t want to give that up. If he’s got his steak and potatoes every day he’s going to get tired of it and will go to you for dessert. He’ll say anything he needs to say to keep you around and eating his ass like a birthday cake (*winks to people who have heard that joke. Shouts out upcoming shows. Kisses fingers, bows, and leaves to applause*). 

Hope you enjoyed, soak all that in, and remember I’ll never steer you wrong.

Upcoming Shows: 
Wednesday, July 17 - hosting Comedians You Should Know at 9 PM
Thursday, July 18 - You, Me, Them, Everybody Live at Hungry Brain at 9 PM
Saturday, July 20 - 2 Hour Comedy Hour at Gallery Cabaret at 7 PM
Wednesday, July 24 - Jukebox Comedy Club in Peoria, IL at 8 PM
 

Comedian

This is a poem I wrote at 4:30 AM. It doesn’t follow any guidelines because real gangstas don’t follow rules.

———————————————————————————————————————

There’s the stage set before you, it might implore you to explore who has been here before. The audience claps as you map out your next joke for your material.
The controversial topic, the relevancy, this one thing that has been killing me.
What you love, what you hate, how you can’t seem to find a date.
Everyone’s talking about this, but this is your spin
It bombs but you think you can try it again.
Hear a chuckle out of pity, you talk about the city and the people in it and how it still feels shitty.
You’re broke, you’re poor, you feel your ideas are worth more but 
Those ideas lack in fact and theory because even through this mic, these people they don’t hear me…
See the glow from someone’s phone and there you begin to sink trying to think of where your life would have gone if you hadn’t got that liberal arts degree. Race relations, radio stations, “Hitler reference” and penetration. They’re on board now..
You get personal, talk about the girl you like, how you had a fight, but something doesn’t feel quite right.
The exes, the sexists, Craigslist missed connections, battle of races and the sexes, how you think sex is, the e-mail messages from Texas saying you’re not good enough, we didn’t like your clip
So you bite your lip, hoping maybe in 365 days
You’ll count the ways to get into that festival because hey, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Every day is make or break, this bit, that tag
Here’s that guy you see at an open mic you roll your eyes at cause he thinks he can get a laugh by randomly saying “nigger” or “fag”.
But as you digress you don’t need further stress, you’re doing your best to wait your turn
Because for 4 minutes they’ll learn who you are
You live and die by every laugh or lack thereof
Those 3 dollar drinks start to add up realizing you’re out of luck
You started with 20, after 5 PBRs your wallet is fuuuuucked.
But it’s your passion, it’s your dream. You moved all this way and it seems
You see a new face every day trying to do the same exact thing.
A year from now some of them will be gone, some will be better
Some will move past you and from the back room it’s whatever
But the reality and jealousy sets in and it kills to see
That that bit killed.
Get home at 2 AM, a clown taking off his make-up one more night
Ready to wake up to afternoon light and prepare for the eve where you do it all again. A life of jokes and drinks to keep you on hinge.

We have to laugh to keep from crying

The reality is we’re all dying, that’s all you want them to see

So if you’re going to die…die laughing, even if it’s at me.

Upcoming Shows!!!

Friday, Jan. 25 - Sh!t Show at Shambles (2050 West Division Street, Chicago, IL 60622) at 8 PM

Friday, Jan. 25 - Chris Redd’s Redd Alert at The Playground Theater (3209 North Halsted Street, Chicago, IL 60657) at 10 PM

Saturday, Jan. 26 - OPENING NIGHT of Second City presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking inside Donny’s Skybox Theater (1616 North Wells Street, Chicago, IL 60614) at 9 PM *sketch*

Saturday, Jan. 26 - Cutz on Cuts Loft Party at MultiKulti (1000 North Milwaukee Avenue, Chicago, IL 60642) at 11 PM

Monday, Jan. 28 - Hosting The Chaser at Comedy Sportz Theater (929 West Belmont Avenue, Chicago, IL 60657) at 10 PM

Wednesday, Jan. 30 - Hosting Comedians You Should Know at Timothy O’ Toole’s (622 North Fairbanks Court, Chicago, IL 60611) at 9 PM

Thursday, January 31 - Comedy Central Showcase at Lincoln Lodge (4008 North Lincoln Avenue, Chicago, IL 60618) at 9 PM

Thursday, January 31 - Your Comedy Show at Lilly’s ( 2515 North Lincoln Avenue, Chicago, IL 60614) at 10 PM

Friday, February 1 - Lincoln Lodge at 9 PM

Friday, February 1 - Talk Hard at Comedy Sportz Theater *Mar’son and the FYF Crew* at 12 AM

Saturday, February 2 - Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, February 4 - 100 Proof Comedy at Comedy Sportz Theater at 8 PM

Tuesday, February 5 - Hug City at Racine Plumbing (2642 N. Lincoln Ave.) at 9 PM

Friday, February 8 - Lincoln Lodge at 9 PM

Saturday, February 9 - Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Saturday, February 9 - Don’t Spit The Water! at The Playground Theater at 10 PM

Sunday, February 10 - REACH at Up Comedy Club at 9:30 PM *Mar’son & The FYF Crew* (230 W. North Ave. 3rd Floor Chicago, IL)

Monday, February 11 - 100 Proof Comedy DVD TAPING! at Comedy Sportz Theater at 8 PM

Friday, February 15 - The Lincoln Lodge Presents RORY SCOVEL - 8 PM & 10 PM 

Saturday, February 16Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, February 18 - Charity Event at Comedy Sportz Theater (being auctioned) at 8 PM

Monday, February 18 - Hosting The Chaser at Comedy Sportz Theater at 10 PM

Tuesday, February 19 - Featuring for Drew Michael in Kenosha at 7 PM

Saturday, February 23Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, February 25 - 100 Proof Comedy at Comedy Sportz Theater at 8 PM

Saturday, March 2Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Saturday, March 9Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Saturday, March 16Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

Monday, March 18 - Hosting The Chaser at Comedy Sportz Theater at 10 PM

Sunday, March 24 - Bevy at 10 PM

Tuesday, March 26 - Chicago Underground Comedy at The Beat Kitchen (2100 West Belmont Avenue, Chicago, IL 60618) at 9 PM 

Sunday, March 30 Second City Presents Urban Twist: Social NOTWorking at 9 PM

More shows TBA.

Stand-Up vs Improv

There’s a saying about music that “everyone can sing, just not everyone can sing well.” The same is true for comedy. Everyone can be or has been funny at some point in their life. You can be the funniest person to your friends or the funniest guy in the office or even have some funny tweets but that doesn’t always translate into being a comedian. 
For a lot of people they transition that will and want to be funny into taking improv classes or doing open mics. Some flourish and some sink. Humor is an inherent trait and the process of channeling it can be difficult if you don’t push yourself to tap into it. If you’re a well-to-do person who watches SNL and just think, “I can do that” then you’re going to struggle in the reality that there are a million other people with the same thought process and a lot of them are funnier, more talented, and have more drive.
I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a lot of outstandingly funny people from different avenues. With that I’ve met a lot of unfunny people who desperately want to be funny. Reality usually takes people in three different directions of either- “Yes I suck but I want to get better” or “Yes I suck and I should quit and focus on something else” or “No, I don’t suck everyone around me sucks for not getting my brilliance.” Comedy is an attention wanting process. You’re presenting yourself in a light of “look at me, laugh at my thoughts, and chuckle at this silly thing I can do.” For me personally I got “serious” about stand-up in 2009 and that was also when I started doing improv, both of which were in Birmingham. I would drive 2 hours to Birmingham from Auburn every Sunday to rehearse and then 2 hours back to go to class the next morning. I didn’t party. I didn’t drink. I worked 3 jobs, was a full time student, and did as much comedy as possible.

Since then I’ve kept up with doing both stand-up and improv and a question I always get  asked is which one is better and the response I always give is that they’re both very different. Stand-up is a solo performance. It is you and a microphone telling thought out material or things that come to you in the moment. Improv is a group minded thing. A bunch of people working together with the best of their ability to think stuff from the top of their head. 
The key difference is dependability. When I’m doing stand-up I know I can trust myself to do something funny and make something funny. If it doesn’t work it is all on me. With improv if something doesn’t work, there is a reason it doesn’t work and it could be an idea that was stepped on or negated or just one person who is a weak link in the group because the truth is not all improvists are strong.
I’d rather watch a stand-up fail than an improv team fail. If a stand-up fails on stage (unless he’s delusional) he knows where he lost the audience and he can try to win them back or say “good night” and bring up the host. If improv does badly YOU HAVE TO STILL WATCH THEM TRY. The scene could get swiped and then you look at that person on the side of the stage with 1 of 2 faces: Face A: “Aw man, that wasn’t good.” or Face B: “Aw man, I can’t wait to get in again and try to make that work.” I don’t fault multiple attempts at putting in effort to make something funny but sometimes you have to wave the white flag and know when to be a good prop for the rest of the scenes.

In August I got into a discussion with a girl about which is more profitable to do, stand-up or improv. I explained that improv performers have the quicker pay-off but stand-ups have a higher success rate.
If you think about the city of Chicago, you have several improv venues such as Second City, iO, The Annoyance, Comedy Sportz Theatre, etc etc… Out of those you have at least 5,000 people coming from all over the world taking classes. 10% are people who need a confidence booster and probably won’t do anything past a couple of classes. 30% enjoy comedy and are just looking for something to do in the meantime. Another 30% are musical theatre majors who have been told their entire life during their musical theatre classes that they’re musical theatre funny and all of their scenes will be the exact same thing, they’ll play the exact same characters, and will potentially be the most annoying person in these classes. There’s another 25% who feel they can make something out of it and will try their best and there’s a final 5% that make something out of it be it a career in improv or teaching or making it big in television and movies- success is all dependent upon how you see it and how far you want to go. The reality should set in that not everybody who signs up for these classes or does all of the improv jams or performs at every improv show is going to be the next big thing in improv. There is a very small percentage of people who get paid to do improv.
Stand-up is again similar but different. There are multiple venues and bars and coffee shops with a microphone and stand. The biggest fall-off is in between doing open mics and doing shows. I’ve seen a lot of people who do open mics disappear but typically those who are in the showcase circuit or who are doing clubs stick with it in some fashion and get paid whatever amount. Taking from an open mic, let’s say there are 50 people signed up. Out of that 50, 10 of them are already somewhat established in their city or region and are trying out new jokes or just need a stage. 15 of them are growing and are the comics to watch for when that first 10 move to a different city or begin to travel or do whatever their specific goals are (goals are relative). The remaining 25 will either meander around open mics, quit within a year, or find what works for them. The group that finds what works for them typically become that 15 and the cycle continues. The difference between here and improv is you have maybe 400 people doing stand-up in the city vs that 5,000 in classes and performing their show “Wacky Title with a Political Figure Involved Honey Boo Boo”.

Out of all of this, the truth is that cream rises. There’s a quote from Red Skelton, “if you’ve got talent they can put you behind a brick wall and you’ll break through.”
A lot of people in improv and stand-up have the talent and will definitely flourish, and a lot more will be stuck counting bricks.

Upcoming Shows for October-November

Friday, October 5
Lincoln Lodge Season 13 Opener 
 
4008 N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago, IL
The Lincoln Lodge Presents Pete Holmes - 8:00 PM

The Lincoln Lodge Presents Pete Holmes - 10:00 PM (One I’m performing on)

Saturday, October 6
Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier (Sketch/Improv) - 9:00 PM
1616 N. Wells St. Chicago, IL

The Lincoln Lodge Presents Pete Holmes - 8:00 PM

The Lincoln Lodge Presents Pete Holmes - 10:00 PM

Wednesday, October 10
Second City Outreach show at Columbia College - 6:00 PM 

Friday, October 12
Lincoln Lodge with Sean Flannery - 8:30 PM 

Saturday, October 13
Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier - 9:00 PM

Monday, October 15
100 Proof Comedy (Hosting) at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 8:00 PM
929 W Belmont Ave. Chicago, IL 

Tuesday, October 16
Dastardly @ The Hideout (Mar’son and the FYF Crew *rap*) - 8:00 PM 
1354 West Wabansia Avenue  Chicago, IL

Wednesday, October 17
Genesis League (Improv) at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 8:30 PM

Friday, October 19
Laugh Factory - 8:00 PM 

Saturday, October 20

Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier - 9:00 PM

Cutz on Cutz Loft Party (Farty Marty/Mar’son and the FYF Crew) - 11:00 PM 

Monday, October 22
100 Proof Comedy at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 8:00 PM 

Friday, October 26
Creative Control at Saki (Farty Marty) - 8:30 PM
3716 West Fullerton Avenue  Chicago, IL

Saturday, October 27
2 Hour Comedy Hour at Gallery Cabaret - 7:00 PM
Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier - 9:00 PM

Monday, October 29
100 Proof Comedy: The Chaser (Host) at Comedy Sportz - 9:45 PM 

Wednesday, October 31
Genesis League at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 8:00 PM

Comedians You Should Know (Farty Marty) at Timothy O’Toole’s - 9:00 PM
622 North Fairbanks Court Chicago, IL

Friday, November 2
 
Brass Chuckles (Farty Marty) at Playground Theater - 10:00 PM
3208 N. Halsted St. Chicago, IL 

But Seriously…Presents Danny Kallas (Host) at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 11:59 PM

Saturday, November 3
Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier - 9:00 PM

Monday, November 5
Speakeasy Comedy at Speakeasy - 9:00 PM
1970 North Lincoln Avenue Chicago, IL

Saturday, November 10
Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier - 9:00 PM

MPAACT Solo Jam: In My Head (one man show) at Greenhouse Theater - 11:00 PM
2257 N. Lincoln Ave. Chicago, IL 

Monday, November 12
The Comedy Evening at Ace Bar - 8:45 PM 
1505 W. Fullerton Ave. Chicago, IL 

Saturday, November 17
Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier - 9:00 PM

Wednesday, November 14
Genesis League at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 8:00 PM

Monday, November 19
100 Proof Comedy (Host) at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 8:00 PM

Saturday, November 24
Second City Outreach and Diversity Present: Race…The Final Frontier - 9:00 PM 

Monday, November 26
100 Proof Comedy: The Chaser (Host) at Comedy Sportz Theatre - 10:00 PM

Tuesday, November 27
The Grog (Stand-up/Farty Marty) - time TBA
2785 Euclid Heights Blvd Cleveland, OH

Wednesday, November 28
TBA Cleveland show

Thursday, November 29
TBA Cleveland show 

*Every Friday and Saturday are shows at the Lincoln Lodge at 8 and 10 PM.*

Hope to see you out! 

"Toot toot."

Upcoming Shows for August-September!

Saturday, August 11 - Second City Presents: BenchCo “All Grown Up and Nowhere to Go! (sketch)
         9 PM at Donny’s Skybox Theater inside of Second City at 1616 N. Wells 

Monday, August 13 - Impress These Apes Week 4 (I will be doing a dance and it will be  frightening awesome)
       8 PM at Comedy Sportz Theater right off of the Belmont Red/Brown stop, you       
       dingus!

Thursday, August 16 - Stand Up Stand Up
      8 PM at The Crocodile Lounge at 1540 N. Milwaukee  

Saturday, August 18 - Second City Presents: BenchCo “All Grown Up and Nowhere to Go!”
     9 PM at Donny’s Skybox Theater inside of Second City at 1616 N. Wells 

Sunday, August 19 - Laugh Factory
    8 PM at…The Laugh Factory on Broadway and Belmont

Monday, August 20 - Impress These Apes Week 5
    8 PM at Comedy Sportz Theater 

Thursday, August 23 - Second City Diversity Lunch Hour Showcase
    11 AM at Second City

Thursday, August 23 - Laugh Factory
    8 PM at Laugh Factory

Saturday, August 25 - YOUR VERY LAST CHANCE TO SEE SECOND CITY BENCHCO “ALL GROWN UP AND NOWHERE TO GO” 
    9 PM, Donny’s Skybox

Monday, August 27 - Impress These Apes Week 6
   8 PM at Comedy Sportz

Tuesday, September 11 - Co-hosting with Mike Joyce at the Rathskellar Open Mic
  8 PM at Lotties, 1925 West Cortland

For more updates follow me on twitter @martinMmorrow

The Mixed Elbow

Since living in Chicago a lot of people have asked me if growing up in Alabama was difficult. I always say in certain aspects due to a close-minded nature regarding a lot of things. In high school I was kind of an outcast from most of the black kids because I “acted white” and I couldn’t date any of the white girls because I was “actually black.” It never was a matter of me not liking black girls too. I liked everybody. Just not everybody liked me and I was fine with that because I had great friends and masturbation like any teen boy would be sufficient with while growing a small chip on my shoulder as a result.

Once I got older I was able to date across the board. I dated girls of different ages, religions, and races because I found something attractive about them or was drunk enough to pretend. I found myself adhering to one unspoken rule as a black man that once you start dating attractive white women you can’t go back to the ones that perpetuate the stereotype that black dudes like fat white chicks. I solely blame fat white chicks for this one. There are more than enough white guys with sleeveless shirts who are willing to marry you over Jerome who has numbers for his nearest cross streets.
Either way I’ve always been a big supporter of interracial couples and enjoy the fact that in cities like Atlanta, Chicago and New York they don’t really think about race in relationships mostly because there are guys who regularly walk around with tattoos on their faces.

Recently back in Alabama it came under fire the question of interracial babies. What would you do with a biracial baby? Who would the child identify with? Wouldn’t the kid be ridiculed because s/he is a mix of black and white? Why hasn’t this caramel child melted in the sun yet? 
Some of my best and most successful friends are the products of interracial relationships (one has his own show on Adult Swim that you should watch). They live normal lives. If there is someone who has a problem with a biracial kid I would think that would speak volumes about that person, not the kid. Most of us are a mix of something anyways. My mom’s great grandfather is full Native American. I have Vietnamese cousins living in Detroit. They all managed to live happy, normal lives with people of different backgrounds. The first human bones were discovered in Africa so as much as you might hate to think about it, you probably got your wide nose from a dude the shade of midnight thousands of years ago.

If you can’t handle the thought of a mixed person take a second to think about the coolest human being in the universe- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
 

Let’s face it, The Rock has it all- looks, charm, humor, strength, and success. And he’s the product of racial intermingling! Was The Rock picked on for being mixed growing up? I don’t know- but name one person who may have bullied The Rock that is doing something meaningful with their life…… Exxxxxxactly. Now name something you’ve seen The Rock in. That’s right, ANYTHING WORTH WATCHING. Also, look at this dude’s smile. That would make any Klanswoman (or KKKaren) swoon! 

In the end, Dwayne Johnson is the perfect example of why a healthy and happy life can be had if it isn’t dictated by negativity due to the differences in race in one’s familial life. We all enjoy ice cream but it always tastes better with a little extra something. You can eat vanilla ice cream and it taste good but put some chocolate syrup on it and you have a special treat, jabroni.