I want an office rabbit.
Since living in Chicago a lot of people have asked me if growing up in Alabama was difficult. I always say in certain aspects due to a close-minded nature regarding a lot of things. In high school I was kind of an outcast from most of the black kids because I “acted white” and I couldn’t date any of the white girls because I was “actually black.” It never was a matter of me not liking black girls too. I liked everybody. Just not everybody liked me and I was fine with that because I had great friends and masturbation like any teen boy would be sufficient with while growing a small chip on my shoulder as a result.
Once I got older I was able to date across the board. I dated girls of different ages, religions, and races because I found something attractive about them or was drunk enough to pretend. I found myself adhering to one unspoken rule as a black man that once you start dating attractive white women you can’t go back to the ones that perpetuate the stereotype that black dudes like fat white chicks. I solely blame fat white chicks for this one. There are more than enough white guys with sleeveless shirts who are willing to marry you over Jerome who has numbers for his nearest cross streets.
Either way I’ve always been a big supporter of interracial couples and enjoy the fact that in cities like Atlanta, Chicago and New York they don’t really think about race in relationships mostly because there are guys who regularly walk around with tattoos on their faces.
Recently back in Alabama it came under fire the question of interracial babies. What would you do with a biracial baby? Who would the child identify with? Wouldn’t the kid be ridiculed because s/he is a mix of black and white? Why hasn’t this caramel child melted in the sun yet?
Some of my best and most successful friends are the products of interracial relationships (one has his own show on Adult Swim that you should watch). They live normal lives. If there is someone who has a problem with a biracial kid I would think that would speak volumes about that person, not the kid. Most of us are a mix of something anyways. My mom’s great grandfather is full Native American. I have Vietnamese cousins living in Detroit. They all managed to live happy, normal lives with people of different backgrounds. The first human bones were discovered in Africa so as much as you might hate to think about it, you probably got your wide nose from a dude the shade of midnight thousands of years ago.
If you can’t handle the thought of a mixed person take a second to think about the coolest human being in the universe- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Let’s face it, The Rock has it all- looks, charm, humor, strength, and success. And he’s the product of racial intermingling! Was The Rock picked on for being mixed growing up? I don’t know- but name one person who may have bullied The Rock that is doing something meaningful with their life…… Exxxxxxactly. Now name something you’ve seen The Rock in. That’s right, ANYTHING WORTH WATCHING. Also, look at this dude’s smile. That would make any Klanswoman (or KKKaren) swoon!
In the end, Dwayne Johnson is the perfect example of why a healthy and happy life can be had if it isn’t dictated by negativity due to the differences in race in one’s familial life. We all enjoy ice cream but it always tastes better with a little extra something. You can eat vanilla ice cream and it taste good but put some chocolate syrup on it and you have a special treat, jabroni.
ETC Presents Vulcan’s Underpants
When: Saturday, May 26th 8:00 PM
Where:Theatre Downtown (upstairs of 5th Ave. Antiques) 2410 5th Ave. S Birmingham, AL
Why: My last show in Birmingham before heading up to Chicago to start my work with Second City Bench Co.! It’s fast paced improv in the style of ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?’ If you’ve ever been a friend, enemy, or seen me perform while in the Magic City then this is the show I want you to be at.
Advance tickets available at www.etcbham.com
Laugh and a Half
When: Thursday, May 31st 9:00 PM
Where: Snuggery Pub 15 West Division St. Chicago, IL
Why: One of the best new stand-up showcases in Chicago I’ve been told. Why would you be a jerk and not be apart of seeing that?
When: Saturday, June 2nd 11:00 PM
Where: MPaact Theatre 2257 N. Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL
Why: It’s my one man show where I talk about growing up in Birmingham, coming back to Birmingham, the fear of stereotypes, and my love of interracial dating and the parents that hate me for it. It will hopefully be enlightening to a point and also funny.
Tickets available at http://mpaact.tix.com/schedule.asp?actcode=76716
A Night of Effen Comedy 13
When: Thursday, June 7 8:00 PM
Where: Zodiac Cafe & Lounge 113 N. Main Street Crown Point, IN
Why: It’s the show to round out the year of this show being around and I’m headlining! With Nathyn Gibson and Odinaka “OD” Ezeokoli we’re probably going to get stinky on stage.
Comedy Booze Cruise
When: Friday, June 8 10:00 PM
Where: On a boat in Knoxville, TN
Why: Because it’s a boat. Where everyone gets drunk. And you watch comedy. Plus the Manute Bols of Comedy are takin’ over!
Come out to ‘em!
I say things like this sometimes.
Martin Morrow: you guys a couple? you guys look like a hipster couple?
couple: uhh. well…
Martin Morrow: are you guys together?
couple: how do you define a couple?
Martin Morrow: do you let each other borrow your arcade fire albums?
|—||Patton Oswalt (via internalprimatesforever)|
Prison has gotten REEEAAAAAAL. Best Scared Straight quote ever.
GREATEST episode of Beyond Scared Straight!! Orange flavored muthafucka!
My soul departed my body and did the Bro Franklin in the upper room as SOON as that Kool Aid came out.
this was by far one of the best ones lmfao
the amount of tears i’m fighting….
Amazing. Fuckin’ superb.
This sounds like a Boondocks episode. *crying*
WHITE PEOPLE TAKING SO MANY L’s WHHAAATTTT
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KOOL AID!!!!!!!! HAHAHA